


I'm trying not to fall for you (but falling seems so easy)

by maxiswriting



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (not heavy though), Angst, Fluff, I don't make the rules sorry, Insecurities, M/M, also Patton in love is adorable, how does one tag, i am so sorry i swear i love him, roman is a little bit of an asshole, some swearwords but nothing major, the beginning is set pre accepting anxiety, to virgil mostly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-07-11 11:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15970967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxiswriting/pseuds/maxiswriting
Summary: But still –even if Logan and Roman keep trying to make him see reason, to remind him that Anxiety is a Dark Side and therefore he’s not their friend- Patton can’t help but want to know, to really understand why Anxiety acts the way he does.So yeah, the more time passes, the less Patton wants to listen to Roman and Logan’s warnings. Anxiety might be a mystery, but he’s one Pattonreallywants to unravel.(And if, when their gazes accidentally meet, Patton’s heart starts beating faster and his cheeks feel suddenly warmer than before, well, his two friends don’t need to know the real reason behind it. Morality and Anxiety together? Somehow, he knows they would try everything in their power to make him understand how dangerous what he’s doing could be, and he’s not ready to let go of those feelings. Not yet.)





	I'm trying not to fall for you (but falling seems so easy)

**Author's Note:**

> So.  
> Hello.  
> YES I KNOW I SHOULD FINISH WRITING THE ATLANTIS AU BUT LISTEN TO ME MOXIETY WAS CALLING HOW COULD I SAY NO-  
> I literally wrote this in three day what the fuck.  
>   
> It all started on Discord, chatting with friends when suddenly [@introverted-happiness](https://introverted-happiness.tumblr.com) and [@creativity-killed-thekitten](https://creativity-killed-thekitten.tumblr.com) came up with [this](https://introverted-happiness.tumblr.com/post/177901596553/a-little-moxiety-story-outline-thingy) moxiety thing I just had to write. Full stop. No choice in the matter.  
>   
> WELL I HOPE U GUYS LIKE IT LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS KUDOS ARE APPRECIATED AND COMMENTS MAKE ME CRY HAPPY GAY TEARS BYEEEE  
>   
> (Also follow me on [Tumblr](https://max-is-tired.tumblr.com) I ya want, I need more friends.)

If Patton is being completely honest, he doesn’t really understand Anxiety.

He’s skittish, harsh, growling when they get too close to him or generally glaring at them from a corner of the commons –whenever he decides to come out of his room, anyway. Point is, Patton can’t exactly blame Logan and Roman for being so wary of him. Anxiety is mostly a mystery to them.

But still –even if Logan and Roman keep trying to make him see reason, to remind him that Anxiety is a Dark Side and therefore he’s not their friend- Patton can’t help but want to know, to really understand why Anxiety acts the way he does. Because, while he may be a little naïve, he’s not as stupid as the others think he is, and he hasn’t missed the looks Anxiety keeps sending towards them when he thinks they’re not looking.

What Patton sees in his eyes can only be described as longing, swimming hidden behind a pair of endless black pools.

So yeah, the more time passes, the less Patton wants to listen to Roman and Logan’s warnings. Anxiety might be a mystery, but he’s one Patton _really_ wants to unravel.

(And if, when their gazes accidentally meet, Patton’s heart starts beating faster and his cheeks feel suddenly warmer than before, well, his two friends don’t need to know the real reason behind it. Morality and Anxiety together? Somehow, he knows they would try everything in their power to make him understand how dangerous what he’s doing could be, and he’s not ready to let go of those feelings. Not yet.)

 

* * *

 

It happens one afternoon, when Patton and Roman are lounging in the commons and Anxiety decides to come down –probably to grab something from the kitchen, since Patton knows he hasn’t eaten anything since the day before.

Patton looks up from the video he’s watching, a greeting already on his lips, but it soon dies on his tongue when he takes in Anxiety’s appearance. He looks exhausted, hair disheveled and clothes rumpled. It makes Patton almost crazy with worry, wanting nothing more than grab the kid and wrap him in a thousand blankets to shield him from whatever is making him look like this.

Frozen, he stares as Anxiety makes a beeline for the coffee maker, pouring himself a cup without making a sound. Patton watches as his shoulder relax, his hands gripping the warm cup like an anchor. It only makes him worry even more.

Obviously, that’s when Roman decides that he needs to taunt him.

“Hey, Emo Nightmare!” he calls, visibly startling him, “You’ve been really having fun these days, uh?”

Patton doesn’t miss the accusation behind those words, and obviously neither does Anxiety. It’s no secret how difficult the last week has been for Thomas. Between auditions, the channel and that stupid cold that had kept him bedridden for three days, Thomas’ anxiety has been through the roof. However, Anxiety seems to have been affected by it as much as them –if not more, by the looks of it.

Still, the kid stands his ground, setting down his now empty mug and answering Roman’s heated glare with one of his own. “Fuck off, Princey.” He answers, moving to go back to his room.

But Roman clearly isn’t getting the message, his patience ran thin by the hell week they’ve all just been through. He needs an outlet, something to use as a target for his frustration. And right now, Anxiety is that something.

Before Patton can intervene to stop him, Roman swiftly grabs the other’s arm, his grip firm to the point of painful. “What’s your problem anyway?” he asks, “Do you really enjoy that much making Thomas miserable?”

“Let. Me Go.” Anxiety growls, eyes flashing behind his bangs. Patton gets up, quickly approaching the duo.

“Roman, stop it!” he says, trying to break them apart before it escalates even further.

“Patton, it’s his fault that we’re reduced like this!”

“Roman, let him go right now!” Patton shouts, grabbing Roman’s arm. Surprised by Patton’s outburst, Roman’s grip slackens, allowing Anxiety to finally break free –just in time to notice Logan coming down the stairs, attracted by all the noise coming from the living room.

“What is going on?” he asks, clearly confused by seeing Roman and Patton at each other’s throats.

“Patton!” the romantic side calls, ignoring Logan’s question, “What in the name of glitter was that about?!”

“What happened this week is not Anxiety’s fault!” Patton answers, voice still loud –he can’t remember the last time he has yelled at one of the others, but right now he’s too mad to care. “Have you seen him? He looks more exhausted than the three of us combined! It’s obvious he’s been affected by all that stress too.”

“Why are you defending him? He’s a Dark Side! He’s one of the bad guys!”

“Because I love him, okay?!” Patton finally blurts out, “I love him and I know he would never hurt Thomas!”

And in that moment, everything stops. Everybody freezes, staring at Patton with varying expression of surprise while he slowly realizes what he said. Before he can even try to say something –to deny it? Confirm it? What should he do?-Anxiety turns around and books it, using the distracted state of the others to quickly reach his room and slam the door closed.

Patton stares dejectedly to the now empty stairs, apologies dying on his lips. He’s ruined everything, he’s sure of it.

“Patton-”

Morality shakes his head, ignoring the others as he quickly moves up the stairs to his room.

Logan and Roman exchange a glance, both trying to process what just happened.

“Did he just-”

“Affirmative.”

“But-”

“Roman, I may not be an expert regarding feelings and emotions, but I think I’m right when I say this really isn’t the right time to talk about it.”

“… I hate it when you’re right.”

 

* * *

 

  
Virgil doesn’t actually register what just happened until he locks his room’s door behind himself –he was too busy trying to get away, to run from Roman before he could work himself to another breakdown or panic attack.

But when he finally does, eyes sweeping over his dim-lit room with his back pressed on the closed door, everything just crashes down on him. Virgil’s eyes widen in shock, his body slowly sliding down until he reaches the ground, Patton’s frantic voice resonating in his head.

_“Because I love him!”_

A shiver goes down Virgil’s spine, a shuddering breath making its way out of his lips.

_“I love him!”_

 Trembling, he hastily presses his hands over his hears, in a useless attempt to block out that stupid, damned phrase.

“He doesn’t mean it that way.” Virgil mutters to himself, trying to ignore the pang in his chest, “Stop being so stupid.”

He never wanted this. He never wanted any of this.

Virgil never wanted to like Patton. He never wanted to grow fond of his giggles, of his enthusiasm, of his blinding smile and shining eyes.

Virgil never asked to fall for him. And yet, it happened, those feelings sneaking on him between endearing puns when he’d been feeling down and home-made cookies left on his doorsteps when he’d stay in his room for too long.

But he’s Anxiety, and Patton is… everything. In his eyes, Patton shines brighter than the sun, bringing happiness wherever he goes. He can do so much better than somebody who’s too anxious to say his own name aloud, too scared of the mocking and barrage of insults that are sure to follow. He _deserves_ so much better.

Virgil whimpers, his chest aching in longing for something he can’t have.

God, he’s such an idiot.

 

* * *

 

Time passes, and everybody seems to forget about the accident.

Not that Roman or Logan haven’t tried to get an explanation out of Patton, but somehow he always manages to slip out before they can even start to address it. After a few weeks, they simply give up, thinking that maybe what Patton had said that day wasn’t as serious as they thought.

As for Patton and Anxiety, well. Everything goes back to normal, more or less. There is tension between them, an invisible wall born from everything kept unsaid and feelings hidden deep inside, never meant to see the light of day. But slowly, things start improving, and it almost looks like everything could really be the way it was before.

Then, Anxiety decides to duck out.

 

* * *

 

It’s difficult for Patton to not blurt out his feelings while standing in Anxiety’s room, emotions bubbling wildly in his stomach and thoughts running in his head. It’s like a physical pain, every single piece of himself shouting at him to reach out and grab the younger trait, to shake him and cry and never let go until he understands how much he matters. To everybody. To him.

But he can’t, not now. So he holds himself back, ignoring the voice shouting in the back of his mind as they all try to convince Anxiety to come back, for Thomas and for them. Because they aren’t really complete without him, and that’s something even Roman seems to be slowly coming to accept.

They’ll talk, of course. Patton is tired of dancing around the issue, trying to brush off the tension lingering between them every time they talk or even just look at each other. It’s something they need to address, sooner rather than later.

But that’s for later. Right now, there are more important things to worry about.

 

* * *

 

He waits a few hours before going up the stairs towards Anx- no, _Virgil_ ’s room. He had wanted to talk as soon as they had sunk out, but he was still too frazzled, the effects of the other’s room still lingering on him.

So he had decided to hold back for a little more, busying himself with baking and making sure both Logan and Roman were okay.

Which led Patton to the current situation, standing nervously in front of Virgil’s door with a tray of freshly baked cookies in his hands. Gathering his courage, he raises his hand and knocks, mentally going through what he wants to say –he usually doesn’t do that, preferring following his heart rather than preparing a whole speech beforehand. But he can’t do that, not right now. He doesn’t want to mess this up.

When Virgil finally opens the door, snapping him out of his thoughts, Patton once more has to physically restrain himself from grabbing him and wrap him in a cocoon of blanket. Virgil looks almost as exhausted as the day of the Incident™ -as Roman had taken to calling the day Patton accidentally confessed the first time- hair disheveled and skin paler than usual.

Had it been any other day, Patton would have forgone the serious conversation in order to make sure the other takes care of himself. But this is a talk they need to have, and he knows that all too well.

So Patton mentally steels himself, letting a warm smile stretch on his face as he holds up the tray of cookies. “Can I come in?”

Virgil raises an eyebrow but steps aside, motioning for him to enter. Sitting on his bed, he silently watches as Patton sets the cookies on a nearby cupboard, before settling beside him.

“So… what’s up?” Virgil asks, fidgeting with the hem of his hoodie.

Patton takes in a steadying breath. This is it.

“I wanted to talk about what happened a few weeks ago, down in the commons,” he begins, looking at his lap, “I want to apologize for making you uncomfortable.”

“What?” Virgil mutters, clearly confused.

“Yeah, that’s not how I wanted you to find out.” Patton admits, chuckling nervously, “I shouldn’t have blurted out my feelings like that, putting you on the spot. And for that, I’m deeply sorry.”

Then, he looks up, blue eyes meeting Virgil’s. “But we can still be friends, right?”

And that’s the moment Virgil’s brain screeches to an halt, the entire conversation replaying in his head over and over again. Virgil knows he shouldn’t get his hopes up, that he’s reading too much into it, but still… what if he’s right, for once?

“I don’t want to be just friends!” he blurts out before he can stop himself, startling the both of them. He blushes, embarrassed by his outburst, and tries to explains himself. “I mean- I just want- It’s hard to explain-!”

Groaning, Virgil throws his arms in the air. Why is it so difficult?

He doesn’t know what gives him the courage to do it. Maybe it’s the burning frustration rising in his guts, or the little sparkle of hope he can see in Patton’s eyes. Point is, Virgil is leaning forward before he even realizes what he’s doing, his lips crashing onto Patton’s in a desperate attempt to explain himself without having to use words -he’s better at acting rather than talking anyway.

It’s soft, gentle and everything he has ever imagined it being. Patton’s hand gently reaches his hair, playing with a few loose strands, and Virgil has to stop himself from sagging in relief. It’s alright. Patton is kissing him. He is kissing Patton, and for once everything is good and nothing really matters.

They separate only when Patton starts giggling, cheeks bright and eyes shining with happiness. And Virgil finds himself chuckling alongside him, his forehead gently pressed against Patton’s as his heart beats wildly in his chest.

Yeah, he really thinks they’ll be alright.

 

* * *

 

Roman stares, blinking at the scene in front of him. Beside him, Logan arches an eyebrow, looking up from the book he’s reading.

“… Uh.”

“ ‘sup Princey?” Vigil says from the couch, head on Patton’s lap as the older side idly plays with his hair.

“Hey kiddos!” Patton greets them, smile even happier than usual.

“What is happening here?” Roman asks, confused. Virgil bushes, averting his eyes.

“Well-”

“Virgil is my boyfriend now!” Patton exclaims, eyes shining in delight as he hugs Virgil close. The other groans in embarrassment, burying his face in Patton’s chest to hide his burning cheeks and dopey little smile.

Logan simply shakes his head at their antics, congratulating them before moving towards the kitchen to get some Crofters. Roman keeps staring, frozen in shock.

“… What the fuck.” He mutters, blinking rapidly. “I mean, congratulations! But still, what the fuck?”

“Roman, language!”


End file.
